‘Meet your new favourite band!!’
So begins the press release accompanying the début album from hair-metal revivalists, sorry, ‘Transcontinental rockers’ We Are Harlot.You can tell they’re transcontinental because the word ‘transcontinental’ is mentioned twice in as many sentences. In fact, so preoccupied is said press release with the nationalities of the band’s respective members – ‘Jeff George (Guitar, USA), Bruno Agra (Drums, Brazil)’ – that it totally fails to mention the band’s pedigree as perhaps the least likely supergroup of all time.
Jeff George, you see, used to play guitar for Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach (ask your Dad) while vocalist Danny Worsnop is the erstwhile singer for sonic hate crime Asking Alexandria. Apparently bored with playing Christian Grey to metalcore’s Anastasia Steele, Worsnop’s decided to go all Stars In Their Eyes. Tonight, Harry, he’s going to be Every Generic 80s Rock Vocalist Ever.
The problem is, ‘We Are Harlot’ is nowhere near as bad as we desperately wanted it to be. Our new favourite band they most certainly are not, but if you can overlook some problematic lyrics (‘Dirty Little Thing’, for example, is not about a miniature item in need of a good clean) Worsnop’s surrounded himself with musicians who are undeniably good at what they do and the result is a silly, derivative but rampantly fun slice of pastiche hair metal.
Worsnop, hopelessly out of his depth musically and multi-tracked to buggery, perpetually sounds like he’s about to cough up his larynx and of course it wouldn’t be 80s rock without a turgid ballad (‘Someday’), but the fact is one listen to ‘Dancing On Nails’ and you’ll be humming it for hours afterwards, while Jeff George is a legit shredder and the album’s lousy with fantastically cheesy guitar solos and riffs the size of Worsnop’s ego. Just try listening to ‘One More Night’ without wanting to grab a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and tear up the nearest dive bar.
It’s not making any ‘album of the year’ lists and sure, it’s all been done before but if you’re looking to go to a party you’ll probably regret, wake up caked in vomit and kebab meat and then go out and do it all again then We Are Harlot have just written the perfect soundtrack.
ROB BARBOUR